5 ways to sink your website.

The internet is large, anything you write will probably never reach my CRT monitor. So let’s see how you can keep it that way. I dont want to read your garbage anyway.

1. Never use pictures in your articles.
I know the only program you have on your computer is MSPaint, maybe if you were lucky enough you downloaded Photoshop but that doesnt mean you know how to use it. Dont get me wrong theres some beautiful MSPaint artists. But I’d imagine your pictures are of your pet, your kids and of sunsets AND save them in bitmap format. who wants to see this? (I dont have children)

I own shamu

2. Don’t link to your articles.
Never put your website in forum signatures, use it as a reference to past observations, or host images on it. That’s telling people who you are and what you do. the internet is about anonymity, and getting away with harassing myspace girls. Where would we be if we couldn’t tell people dunkin donuts sucks.

3. Always demand intellectual obedience.
I am the only one that use this tactic and get away with it. If you disagree with me you are an oaf. I will ban you and your IP and then post anonymously on your blog that you a a hypochondriacal transexual, who’s goal in life is to get off to orphans eating icecream.

Since you are not me, when you ban someone and try to defame their character, they will really be the next Kevin Mitnick, who hacks google and makes everyones home page his favourite porno site.

4. Always rely on Adsense for funds.
Load up on the adsense technology. The internet is all about self profitability and entrepreneurialism right? I should get paid for everything I say.

Everyone loves pop-ups and massive ad bars. They fill up so much space so you appear to have more content than you actually do. Dont forget they are always so relevant to what the reader is looking for. Why wouldnt I want THAT ENLARGED while I’m looking to buy a present for my grandma?

HURRY UP!

5.  Don’t pay your hosting bill.
Broken links work like magic to sink your site. Just a being down for a day could ruin your reputation. If I dont want you to read this I just stop paying my bill, or overdraw my credit account by buying,

five hundred seventy-five billion EVOS

make that positive, and then call me